I LOOK LIKE A MUSHROOM?! Please help me get rid of this stupid hair!?

Use some hair clay and rub it between your hands and then run it through your hair and make it all messy and textured and go for the messy bedhead / hair look. Alternatively straighten your hair out, then sectioning your hair into sections, try teasing your hair into a messier look (note: leave the top section unteased to drop over the messy under layers for a neater look).